Have you ever wondered why women you see out at bars and nightclubs (and even at malls and restaurants) sometimes dress so sexy? It’s an interesting question. I mean, let’s think about it from the woman’s perspective…
An attractive woman gets attention from men all the time… no matter what she’s wearing. Attractive women don’t have to “accent” their beauty in order to attract men. And the question becomes very interesting when you consider that often it’s the most beautiful women that go to the greatest lengths to enhance their beauty. You know what I mean…
A perfectly beautiful woman gets an expensive operation to make herself “one cup size” larger… A tall, stunning model spends all day at the mall shopping for just the right high-heeled shoes… A naturally beautiful woman spends hours in front of the mirror getting ready to go out… and puts on tons of makeup… and for what?
Could it possibly be worth all the extra time and effort… spending hours and hours to get that “extra little bit” of beauty, when a woman already has “more than enough”? Hey, no one ever said women made sense.
(Don’t get too excited. Men have their strange points as well.)
Let me tell you about a few of the reasons why women go to these lengths to squeeze that “extra little bit” out of their beauty…
To Maximize Her Strengths In Order To Attract The Best Man
Let’s turn this picture around, and look at it from another direction.
Let’s imagine that an attractive woman is getting ready to go to a party. There are going to be a hundred men and a hundred women at this party (I know, I know… you
think that I must be smoking something… because most parties have 100 men and 10 women… and resemble the sausage counter at your local market… but humor me here for a second).
If there are going to be a hundred men at this party, it follows that a few of those men are going to be the “best” ones. Do you think this particular woman is going to want to settle for one of the “random sausages” running around? Nope.
She wants the “best” one… if possible. And that guy has options.
Soooo… she needs to “fix herself up”, even though she’s already beautiful… if she wants to have the best chance of getting that guy.
Competition From Other Women
This particular idea was one of the most interesting and surprising things I learned about women while I was educating myself about dating and attraction.
Here’s the deal: Attractive women tend to be very, very competitive.
A few years ago, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I was introduced to a concept called “The Bitch Look“. Sounds charming, doesn’t it? Here’s how it works…
When a “hot” woman walks into a room, everyone checks her out. The “sausage” looks her up and down with a “let me get a really good look because I’ll be using
her as a spank-it fantasy later” stare. The “top guys”, who have options, glance at her and make a “mental note” to talk to her later.
The other hot women look at her and give her… yep, you guessed it…. the bitch look.
Why? Because another hot woman is instantly seen as competition. A hot woman doesn’t want other hot women competing with her for the “best guys”. So they give other women “bitch looks“.
It’s competition, intimidation, and millions of years of evolution all rolled up into one special package.
(Think about this for a minute, because there’s a clue here about how to attract the most attractive women. I’ll reveal the secret later…)
So let’s just say that attractive women don’t like competition. In order to minimize their competition, they fix themselves up… and emphasize their good points to the max
When an already-beautiful woman goes to the trouble to pick out just the right clothes… the ones that flatter her figure… and put on just the right makeup… in a way that draws attention to her finer points… and styles her hair… in a way that draws attention to her and frames her face… it puts her above the competition.
To Get The Most Attention And Approval
Now that we’ve talked about a couple of the underlying reasons why women go to great lengths to make themselves more beautiful, I want to talk about the one reason that has the most value to you…
This reason holds the secret of actually attracting beautiful women. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet…
At the very core of human psychology and behavior are the twin concepts of attention and approval. Some evolutionary theorists think that the basic formula goes like this:
If you get more attention from others, and those others like you more, then you and your offspring are more likely to survive and pass on your genes to future generations. Is this making sense?
Think about it this way:
If others of your species don’t like you and don’t give you any attention, you are going to have a hard time finding a mate… and reproducing. And if others don’t like you, then you aren’t going to have the benefits that come from the group… like protection, combined effort, etc.
It just so happens that an attractive woman has a subconscious (but very accurate) indicator of whether or not “the group” likes and approves of her… It’s the amount of attention she gets.
If a woman is getting a lot of attention, it keeps her feeling “OK”. She knows, on a deep, primal level that she’s accepted by the group… and that she’s going to stay healthy and have a good chance of mating with a “top male”.
But this particular concept has a dark side to it… and don’t they all? Just like anything else that triggers feelings/emotions (very addictive chemicals), attention and approval can lead to a literal addiction. It’s like money, fame, power… all the famous ones… you can’t get enough.
And here’s another very interesting point:
If you’re a beautiful woman who is always getting attention and approval from men and you meet a man who doesn’t give you that attention and approval, it has an instant and powerful impact. Furthermore, if the man you’re interacting with actively avoids giving you attention… and gives you disapproval, it can have the effect of
instantly scrambling your systems.
Again, attractive women don’t meet a lot of guys that could care less about her beauty… and instead see it as a “cover up” for some “hidden” thing… Which leads me to the “secret” I mentioned earlier…
If you want to learn how to attract these “unusually beautiful” women, then you need to get a clue about what creates the idea in her mind that you are one of the most “desirable” men.
And how can you do that?
1) Become rich and famous
or
2) Get plastic surgery to look like Brad Pitt
or
3) Trigger attraction inside of her.
Here’s the interesting thing about triggering attraction: When you do it, she can’t control it. If a woman starts feeling attraction for you, I’ll guarantee you that she didn’t “think about it and decide to feel it”. And I guarantee you that she can’t change it by thinking about it.
And guess what one of the best ways is to trigger this “automatic and subconscious” physical and emotional response called attraction is?
Here’s a hint:
It has something to do with these two concepts we’ve been talking about… attention and approval. If you’re interacting with an unusually attractive woman, it’s very important that you don’t communicate to her that you are “overwhelmed by her beauty”… or that you can’t control yourself.
Furthermore, if you actively control the amount of attention that you give her… and you don’t show her “approval” too quickly (and even show her some disapproval)… you’ll often create a powerful interest inside of her.
Why is this? Well, think about it for a minute. You’re the hot woman walking into the “sausage party”. For the first two hours, you keep having guys walk up to you and say, “You’re really hot” and “Can I get you a drink?” Every guy that comes within ten feet of you can’t stop looking at you, and the ones that talk to you make it clear that they would be willing to do anything for you… And then you meet a guy that isn’t like any of these other guys at all. He’s clearly not impressed with your beauty, and he’s even busting your balls…
You can’t tell if he likes you or not, and you feel challenged by him. How are you going to respond?
Let’s add another element… For some reason you can’t explain, you’re starting to feel a gut level attraction for him. Now what do you do?
That’s right: You give him all of your attention and approval… hoping that he will give you some in return. In other words, you switch from the one being pursued to the one doing the pursuing.
And so the question is… How? How do you create this situation, and communicate these things to an attractive woman? How do you do it in such a way that it creates
attraction… and gets her to start pursuing you?
I’ve given you a lot of good ideas here. They will get you started.
But, if you’d really like to learn how to take control of “attention and approval” and turn them into tools that you can use to attract those “unusually beautiful” women, then I’d like to recommend that you invest in my Cocky Comedy CD/DVD program. It has taken me many years of time, effort, and energy to really “get” how to use a “personality based approach” to attract beautiful women.
If you’ve been reading these newsletters for any length of time, then you understand just how important the “Cocky & Funny” technique is for attracting women.
You may have even used it, and found that it gets a very different kind of response from women than “normal conversation”.
Well, in this program, I and some amazing guest speakers will teach you the foundations of Cocky Comedy… and then we’ll teach you literally hundreds of different ways to use it… with individual scripts and lines… And we’ll teach you how to weave it all together into conversations in any situation.
This program is not only comprehensive, but it’s completely different from anything else available anywhere. It’s a concept that I’ve pioneered, and it’s only available here.
I really encourage you to go here and watch the video clips of the program (you’ll get a lot from just watching the samples):
Want to get better with women? Yes? Regardless if your goal is to sleep with many different women, or find that one perfect girl, you’re going to need to get physical with her eventually. And before you can do that, you need to be ready to have women ready and wanted to be touched by you.
Touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication between people. You can communicate more potent, more honest, completely unfiltered, real sentiments with touching that you could never put into words. Talking says,
“This is what I’d maybe, umm, like to do.”
Touching says,
“This is what we’re doing.”
Talking does a lot of talking.
The Power of Touching Women
Written by Seduction Tutor in Body Language
The Power of Touching WomenWant to get better with women? Yes? Regardless if your goal is to sleep with many different women, or find that one perfect girl, you’re going to need to get physical with her eventually. And before you can do that, you need to be ready to have women ready and wanted to be touched by you.
Touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication between people. You can communicate more potent, more honest, completely unfiltered, real sentiments with touching that you could never put into words. Talking says,
“This is what I’d maybe, umm, like to do.”
Touching says,
“This is what we’re doing.”
Talking does a lot of talking.
Touch can be used to express affection, control, protectiveness, dominance, tenderness, sexual interest, and a lot of things that you couldn’t even begin to put into words.
There are a handful of types of guys when it comes to touching women. There are the guys who shy away from being physical with women. There are the guys who touch women in vaguely creepy, groping ways because they don’t know better. Then there are the guys who touch women smoothly and naturally, without a thought to it. These last guys are the guys that women love and want to be around.
Touching women, my friend, is crucial. It’s not optional. It’s necessary for your social/romantic success. It lets women know immediately what kind of man you are. Women want men who know how to touch them. So let’s go over some fundamentals for you. Before we do, let’s do a quick checkup to make sure your head is straight about touching women. Here’s the bad (wrong) beliefs that guys have about touching women:
“She doesn’t want guys touching her”
Here’s my own experience, from just this last year. At theApproach, we say get kinesthetic immediately - within the first two minutes typically. In all of 2007, I touched a lot of women, I estimate around a thousand. How many told me they don’t like being touched? One. One. That’s one out of a thousand. Every other girl I touched was at worst neutral to my touch - and quite a few of them responded very positively. Sebastian and other members of the crew report similar numbers.
“I don’t know her well enough to touch her”
All I’ve got to say is: Bullshit. If you’ve introduced yourself, or said “hi“, you know her well enough to touch her (if you know how to do it correctly… we’ll get there in a minute). If you’ve made eye contact and exchanged smiles, you know her well enough to touch her. Never think you need to do a lot of work to get to the point where you can touch a girl - because in fact, you can touch her right away.
“I’m not sure at what point I should begin to touch her”
You should touch a girl a lot during your interactions with her. Touch her when you are making a point; when she is laughing; when you are laughing; touch her for just about any reason at all. In general, the more good physical contact you have with her, the better.
Here are a few basic rules to keep in mind when touching girls:
All touching should be playful, protective, or incidental
That means either:
* Playful: Touching that’s light fun, and playful. Do this sparingly, not too much or it comes across playerish (light shove, nudge, tickling, bumping her with your hip)
* Protective: Assertive, strong. Should make her feel protected and safe. (hand on her lower back to “escort” her through a room protectively, grabbing her hand when running across the street with her, her arm locked in yours)
* Incidental: “Is just happening”, and neither of you are consciously focused on it (knees locked on barstools, being close to her when you’re talking, sharing an umbrella, sitting next to each other on a couch)
What you shouldn’t do is touch her non-playfully, non-protectively, non-incidentally. That means no stroking, groping, squeezing, or grabbing - well, you can start doing that once she’s your girlfriend.
Be sensitive to their reactions
If she seems to shy away from your touch, you need to make her more comfortable with your touch. If she seems to melt in your arms when you touch her, go further.
Don’t be tentative when you touch - do it for real
Halfway kind of sneaking your arm onto her is never going to work.
Be assertive
With protective kino, pull them close, yank them (gently but firmly) into you, move them physically around.
Keep your eyes on hers
Your eyes should remain on her face while you touch her. Never look where you touch - it subtly “asks for permission”. Looking at your hand is akin to saying,
“I’m not sure I should be doing this, would you let me know if it might be okay?”
Not so good. When your hands are on her, your eyes on her eyes - then it feels natural and right. Those short rules are the big ones for touching.
Now here are some of my favorite ways and places to touch women:
Hand on her elbow (standing or sitting) or thigh (sitting) when making a point. The elbow is a nice gesture and is intimate without being too much so and can be used right away. The thigh is a bit more intimate and should generally be used once a girl is a bit more comfortable with you.
Hand on her lower back. You can use this when guiding her through a crowd or even when just standing and talking next to her. It’s very dominant and protective.
Leg against her leg (when sitting). This is a fantastic way to get a lot of contact in while talking with a girl. If you are sitting with her, always be close enough so that your legs can touch. The bonus is that if you are close enough that your legs are touching, you’re close enough to touch her in other ways too.
Intimate Touching: These are good when she’s comfortable enough that you could kiss her:
Putting her head on your shoulder while sitting. You can use this if she is tired or if there is a loll in the conversation and she feels pretty comfortable with you. This is one actually seems to make girls feel very comfortable with the idea of sleeping with you for some reason.
Playing with her hair or caressing her face. This is more intimate and begins taking the vibe into the sexual realm.
Holding hands with your fingers entwined. When your fingers are laced together with hers, this is a very intimate position and suggests a strong, physical bond.
Hand on her inner thigh, close to her pelvis. This is pretty intimate and if she is comfortable enough to let you put your hand here, things will heat up very quickly.
Those are just a few of the tons of ways you can touch the women you like. It’s important to have the right mindset and always be touching women right from the start of interactions, like a strong leader. Keep an eye on their reactions - the warmer they seem to your touch, the more you should touch them and the more intimately you can take it. Touch is probably the number one most important
step in priming a woman to get physical with you. It is the ultimate tool for making her feel comfortable with you and with your body, and excited about the possibility of getting much more intimate with you. Rely on touch to take you where you want to go, and it will help all your interactions with the women you like.
Chase Amante with Sebastian Drake
What You Can Learn From Strippers
Written by Seduction Tutor in Body Language, Social Skills, Flirting, Lifestyle, Seduction
stripper2.jpgNormally, we only think of men as studying advanced seduction psychology and techniques. Well, there’s a whole class of women who work on their seduction skills as well – in fact, seduction is the basis of their entire livelihood.
I’m talking about strippers and exotic dancers. And believe it or not, the advice I give you guys is almost identical to the advice I give to girls who are dancers. Now, strip clubs aren’t really my thing – as soon as you pay, you become a customer. And while I enjoy conversation, I don’t like yapping it up with a dancer and keeping her from her paid work.
But I tapped into the scene a little when I took private ballroom dancing lessons. It turned out that my instructor was also a stripper at a classy club about thirty minutes from my place. So I had the privilege of hanging out with her a lot, going shopping, and watching dance professional competitions together here in South Florida. She’s fun to hang out with, even if she’s a little kooky in the head in some ways. And through her I’ve met some of her other stripper friends.
She knew that I study seduction, and as an exotic dancer her income is almost exclusively based on how seductive she can be. So of course she wanted to pick my brain. And the advice I gave her and two of her dancer friends is almost identical to the advice that I give to everyone else.
I repeatedly say that a guy must master his nonverbal skills to win with women. It’s the number one thing to master above all else.
Well, the core tools for a stripper working for tips and lap dances are largely nonverbal as well. When a girl gets up on stage, she has to know that she is the sexiest, hottest thing ever. She shouldn’t walk, but strut. Guys put down their drinks and notice when a girl’s onstage and walking like a sexy goddess.
Also, a dancer should never break eye contact. Strong eye contact creates an animalistic communication. A girl who constantly breaks eye contact looks disinterested or aloof and will lose guys’ attention.
stripper3.jpgI told my friend to, “Fake It Until You Make It”. Even if you don’t feel sexy on the outside, consciously make yourself smile, strut, and do all the actions of nonverbal sexual cuing. Even if you just do the actions, you’ll begin to feel the emotion internally too.
Don’t feel sexy? Strut anyway and you’ll feel sexier. Tired and don’t feel like smiling? Force a smile and your emotions will follow your motions. You’ll begin to feel happier and more upbeat through the very act of smiling.
And while a dancer’s at it, she should always be smiling. Someone is always watching her. A smile communicates happiness, fun, vitality, and health, to name a few. A girl doesn’t need the perfect smile – it’s the act itself that is sexy. I tell girls to be the happy stripper.
I tell girls to be prepared – do your hair, do your makeup, peacock yourself… but if you have some bad zit, your hair is a mess, or if you don’t feel confident about the outfit that you’re wearing, then relax about it. Being stressed about something will show through and guys will feel it – and a down attitude will be a bigger turnoff than whatever is causing the stress in the first place.
Great attitude and your nonverbal cues are way more important than any little physical characteristic. And the number one most important principle to being a successful dancer and making lots of money is to have fun. The worst mistake I see with so many dancers is that they look bored.
Instead, always look like you’re having fun or are turned on – as if having fun and feeling hot were the only reasons you ever started dancing in the first place.
I tell girls to joke around with the guys. Make them laugh. Anything can be fun and exciting when you have a smile on your face and the right attitude. But don’t do it in a fake manner. Actually and genuinely experience those great feeling states from the inside. You’ll be a happier person and the guys will feel it too and feel that you’re genuinely happy to be there.
Be enthusiastic. When a guy asks how you’re doing, don’t say, “Good.” Rather, look him in the eye and answer “Fantastic.”
I tell girls, if you meet a guy who is ugly or seems kind of stupid, talk to them too. Talk to everyone. Don’t think of it as lowering your standards. Look at it as practicing your social and communication skills. Look at it as finding what’s best in this person. Remember that you’re also social proofing the room with your smile and great attitude – again, someone is always watching.
Okay guys, I want you to now picture two kinds of dancers.
The Sloppy Seducer
The first doesn’t smile and she doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. She slouches. She doesn’t strut but just walks around, doing the minimum to get by. She looks bored.
When she talks to you the first (and often last) thing she asks is if you want a dance. (Or maybe she makes a minute of small talk, but it’s stale and you can tell it’s just her routine she’s said hundreds of times before she asks you if you’ll buy a dance.)
She only sees you as a dollar sign and she wants to get to the money exchange as fast as possible. She completely lacks enthusiasm and you can tell she’d rather be doing something else – maybe anything else.
Okay, now how many guys do you know who go out to meet, attract, and seduce women who act exactly like this, or at least like parts of this description? They don’t smile, they slouch, the don’t strut, they dress in a boring manner, and they don’t hold eye contact with girls. They’re not interested in talking to the less attractive ladies (missing opportunities to social proof themselves) but they lack the confidence to approach the more attractive women. They don’t look like they’re having fun. When they finally do talk to a girl, they don’t joke, tease, or act lighthearted, but instead see the girl as an empty physical body, and want to get straight to the business of getting her phone number.
The Professional Seducer
What You Can Learn From StrippersNow let’s take our dream dancer. She may or may not be the best looker, but she’s got the best attitude and great nonverbal body language. She’s got a big smile on her face. When she dances she locks onto your eyes and holds piercing eye contact while she does her moves. She struts like she knows she’s hot and sexy. She exudes an attitude of having fun. She’s enthusiastic.
She talks to everyone – even guys without looks, social skills, or money – and makes them feel good. When she talks to you, she flirts, jokes, laughs, and is genuinely interested in what you have to say and who you are. She knows that she’ll get a lot of dances because guys fall in love with her, not because she asked them for a dance. Rather, guys ask her for dances.
Finally, let’s look at the equivalent, successful guy who easily wins the ladies. We can clearly easily see the crossover.
Most of his core game is nonverbal. Like the successful exotic dancer, he smiles at everyone. He holds piercing eye contact. He struts and has good posture and pushes out his chest like he knows he’s the shit. He’s enthusiastic and has fun no matter what the situation is or who he’s talking with. And he talks to everyone, guys and girls and he has fun doing it, because he knows the hotties are watching. He’s working the room, not the set. He doesn’t need to ask for phone numbers because girls ask him for his.
I’m giving you an analogy to draw from. See how the average guy and the average stripper mirror each other? And how the master pickup artists and the master exotic dancers are after the same goals and employ the same core seduction techniques?
Don Juans and strippers… I bet you never thought you had so much in common.
That’s all for today – if you actually want to up your game to a whole new level, check out the Seduction Science System, now in its 3rd Edition. It’s also the only way to get your hands on my Nonverbal Sexual Cuing program. Plus, I’ve rebranded Masculinity Enhancement, which is now The Deep Inner Game Series… perfect for working on your internal confidence. Check ‘em out.
Peace,
Derek
How to Read a Woman
Written by Seduction Tutor in Body Language, Pickup, Relationships
How to Read a WomanIf you have ever played “team sports” then you are fully aware of what a “play” looks like. Now when a really good play goes down in an NBA basketball game you have a dozen people (including refs etc.) or more on the court all at once. You have thousands of fans sitting only a few feet away. You have analysts and commentators sitting inches from the play itself and you have virtually millions of people sitting inches from their flat screen TV’s watching closely but when that play goes down the only people that know what will happen are those 5 guys on the team. To put a “play” into motion that will succeed with virtually the whole world watching takes more than physical ability. It takes intuition.
The MSN Encarta Dictionary defines Intuition as:
Instinctive belief: something known or believed instinctively, without actual evidence for it.
Just like in the basketball play all of those players can broadcast their thoughts to one another without doing so “knowingly” to the other team. Because they don’t really know what is happening until the “subtleties” of behavior tell your instincts the truth.
The reason the word “instinct” and “subtleties” were both highlighted in blue is because that is what you should be looking for is the subtleties. Those nominal behavior changes tell you a million things at once so you have to trust whatever your gut is telling you because you won’t lie to you. Trust your own instincts.
“How does this apply to females? I don’t get it.”
How to read a woman is all about those same instincts and subtleties. If there was ever a species that was harder to read that would definitely be the human female. Now of course in their defense they will send you every signal except the one you know how to read which of course would be just “telling you” what they want. Some females are over communicative will tell you so many things they want you will get confused - when that happens refer to the words in blue.
Red Flags
The first tip on how to read a woman is “get her to read you”. Example: You walk into the produce department at the grocery store and you see a smoking hot babe who is giving no man the time of day. You must “mirror” her image to get her attention. At this point the most obvious subtlety is that she feels like a target in the grocery store and all guys seem the same with their leering and staring and saying random “hellos”.
Instead of being the next red flag guy that does exactly what everyone else does walk over to her and start “shopping” right next to her but don’t say hello or look at her. Do everything she does - act like you don’t want to get hit on in the grocery store. I bet a weeks pay if she is attracted to you then she will say the random “hello” first to you. If you act like every other guy it is a red flag to her that you did not read her well - even if you look like Colin Farrell.
Body language
Okay this is the part you have been waiting for. Body language is the subtle hints that you are looking for in every aspect of your game with a female from beginning to end.
Obvious body laguage tips:
1. Eye to eye contact from her as she says “hello” first.
2. Anytime you have a conversation with a female and she “touches” you at all.
3. She looks at you, she looks again, she looks again - okay idiot go over there.
4. She uses words like “we” or “us” “me & you”. References of you 2 together.
5. On dates - let her suggest a nightcap or “come in for a while” first (no guessing here).
6. If she dresses nice she is expensive. If she dresses modest she is practical.
7. I can tell in the first 10 minutes of meeting a girl if she if for me can you?
8. Perfume too strong = no common sense. No perfume = busy girl.
9. If she does not hang out with people from work she has a life.
10. Wishy-washy on the telephone means compulsive obsessive - no self control.
Some of those sound silly but each of them is a bi-product of something else going on. None of us are perfect but if you are looking for a girl to marry then you must take notice of the subtleties or you will walk into the punch. In tip 7 I brag that I can tell in the first ten minutes if a girl is for me or not. I am not always right and some of them don’t last long but I am certain they lasted longer than many others who did not exhibit the character traits (flaws) that “I” consider my own red flags.
Was that the top ten? No! It is 10 of a million. For instance, one of my top ten is: never date a female who has too many gay guy friends. Why? Because, gay guys are caddy and they just want to be her so they will say anything to make her feel good because they know they can’t have you so they make sure neither will she. Keep in mind that is one of my top ten - you will discover your own.
Reading a woman is like reading a technology manual. Once you finally absorb the fundamental information the technology changes and you have to brush up on your deciphering skills. Start with the easy and most obvious stuff like - if it acts like a bitch it is a bitch.
He shoots he scores.
Jack Morris,
Body Language Secrets of Attraction
Written by Seduction Tutor in Body Language, Pickup, Flirting, Attraction, Seduction
Body Language Secrets of AttractionWhat do you say when you don’t say anything? Everything.
We dance around this topic all the time, but it’s ready for the spotlight: body language. This is the most important thing not just when dealing with women, but with communication period. Nothing else even comes close.
Wonder why that thick-as-a-post jock got all the women when charming funny nervous sitcom-character-in-waiting guy got nothing in high school? Body language.
Why James Bond got his pick of the litter and the brilliant Q got more quality time with gadgets? Body language.
Why that homely busboy at the corner Italian restaurant takes home all the gorgeous patrons and the handsome maitre-de takes home doggy bags? Garlic. The busboy stank of it and THAT is a huge turn-on.
Just seeing if you were paying attention.
All those other things you THOUGHT did the trick were just extra fuel for the fodder. Body language is the key to EVERYTHING. Why? Because it is the symptom that tells you everything you need to know about the INSIDE of a person.
It clues you in to the person’s confidence, their openness, even their sexual skills. And if you send out the wrong signals – which most people do – then you’ve given yourself a SERIOUS hole to dig out from.
Conversely, if your movements say the right things you are on top of a BIG mountain that you’d have to work to screw up.
The unfortunate thing is you have a CHOICE about what you say, and most don’t realize it. Or they choose to ignore it and remain “themselves,” as if we are static representations of an image that never changes.
WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG! If there was a hand near me, I’d slap it. Good thing I type with my feet.
People are dynamic, and ever-changing. In fact, we are NEVER the same as we were in the past. Those changes show up in our body language, but that doesn’t mean we should abandon control. If so, we wouldn’t bother with school, riding a bike, and everyone would still be a virgin. After all, we were all virgins once, weren’t we?
Look, there’s a difference between being UNAWARE of something, and being INDIFFERENT. Unaware just means we don’t know what we’re doing with ourselves. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s not helpful. Indifference is when you know what’s going on, but you choose to ignore it. WRONG! Where’s that hand!
You can’t be passive all your life and expect things to come to you. The world doesn’t work that way (my apologies to all silver-spooners I’ve offended with this blanket statement that merely applies to 100% of all living things, rounded to the closest .00000001).
You need to be ACTIVE. You need to TAKE CHARGE of your life, and that means taking an ACTIVE role in the changes that happen to you. They’re coming either way. Personally, I’d rather have a vote.
So no whining about the walk you’ve developed and how that represents YOU as you are now. If that walk doesn’t work, kill it. Time to get a new one. And there’s a bonus beyond the initial differences that changing your body language communicates to the outside world. It also can change your inner one.
Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one. The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way you move, you also change the way you think.
Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it. Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes.
How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a pole up your ass. Just what we were going for.
It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep going, though, and eventually it won’t feel weird. In fact, it’ll start to feel GOOD. You’ll find yourself with this new CONFIDENCE that wasn’t there before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation.
Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get blurred, and you wind up FEELING a certain way just because you are ACTING that way.
Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t self-aware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often might comment that you seem… DIFFERENT.
Congratulations young Jedi, you’re on your way.
Standing up straight is about as basic as it comes, but non-verbal communication goes much deeper. When you walk and lead with your head, not only are you hunching and sending out uncomfortable self-conscious shrinking vibes, but you’re also telling people that you tend to THINK a lot. Maybe more than you should.
Lead with your stomach, it speaks to your appetites and emotions. Lead with your pelvis, and it says you are sexually experienced and confident.
This might sound like a lot of new-agey crap, but try it. Walk around for awhile leading with different parts of your body, and notice the changes that happen in your head. It’s real, VERY real. And there’s no reason bad chairs in abandoned classrooms should have more of a say about how you feel than you do.
Those nervous tics, those fidgety hands? Lose ‘em. Every button you finger while talking to someone – especially an attractive woman who’s trying to make a snap judgment about you – is a negative. Every fast jerky motion says you have low self-esteem – it’s like you have to get it done before some stronger guy comes along to stop you.
It’s like the beta wolves trying to feed before the alpha wakes up and wants more – complete with herky-jerky looks to check for his approach. This shit runs deep.
When you make eye-contact and drop it first. Oh god no. In our part of the animal kingdom, this is strong supplicating behavior. There are monkeys which tear the arms off other animals – including humans – if they don’t drop gaze first.
So if you are looking at a woman and look away before she does? You’ve just said she’s in control, and her chances of becoming attracted to you pretty much disappear.
That’s not to say you stare from a far distance. That’s stalker behavior – when far enough away betas get bolder – and she’ll think you a freak. This is about close quarters, the moment before a conversation starts.
Crossing your arms? Stop that. You’re telling everyone to stay away, so don’t be surprised when they do.
Leaning in to your target? Why not just say “I want to have sex with you.” That’s exactly what you’re doing, and most guys do it so early that it’s a major turn-off (unlike once she’s primed, in which case it can start speeding things up).
Standing in her personal space (which for most people is about 18 inches to 3 feet away)? You’re triggering her to run away, which is NOT a feeling you want linked with you. Standing right on the border of her personal space? This can be golden if you do it right, creating a certain tension in her mind although she probably won’t know what from. Much like really needing to piss can lead to a boner, this tension can become sexual.
Standing well outside her personal space and not directing your body at her, remaining somewhat detached? Now that’s good – she’s gonna want to know why she doesn’t have your attention, and might start working to get YOUR approval. Don’tcha love that?
There are thousands of little cues we give off to each other, and the BEST way to learn them is to see them in action. Go out and find some guys doing well with the ladies. Watch them, see what they’re doing with their bodies, and what responses they are getting. If you think you’ve identified a non-verbal communication that signals confidence or sexual prowess or just general alpha-ness, go practice it. Try it out. Odds are you won’t get it the first time, but don’t let that discourage you. There is no better way.
The second-best way, though, is experience the subject using the material in my course Seduction Science, now available in audio CD. Everything contained in this newsletter is covered in much greater detail, as well as hundreds of other helpful hints and techniques that will correctly adjust and fine tune the nuances your body language.
Until next time.
Derek Vitalio
http://www.seductionscience.com
PS. In addition, you can still get ALL 5 of the Masculinity Enhancement CDs plus hours of hypnosis instruction for just three small payments. You’ll learn confidence-building and positive-loop exercises that get your head in the right place when you are first meeting women. Check them out.
Body Language and Dating
Written by Seduction Tutor in Body Language, Flirting, Relationships, Seduction, Dating
By James Brito
Author, “How to Be Irresistible to Women”
http://www.000relationships.com/towomen
Body Language and DatingNo one can deny that body language plays an important role in catching girls’ attention – and noticing it. A lot of attention has been paid to how we men can flirt better with women, but don’t forget knowing when THEY are flirting at US. So many times we miss out on a potential mate because we don’t notice that’s she interested in us. With that said, here are some common body language cues women give off. Keep your eyes open – and your body ready.
Bad Body Language
1. Not making eye contact with you — looking around, eyeing her friends, looking anywhere but at you
2. Legs crossed — always a bad sign. This means she’s closing herself off to you
3. Arms crossed — this can convey annoyance and impatience. Definitely a bad sign.
4. Hands on her hips — this can also convey impatience. Not looking good.
5. Leaning backwards — it’s much better when a woman is leaning towards you. If you notice her leaning away from you, keeping her distance, it means you’ve gotten too close for her comfort and she’s not that into you, at least at this point.
6. A weak handshake — do you shake a girl’s hands when you meet her? If you do and notice that hers is weak and she is quick to take back her hand, then she’s not very impressed.
Good Body Language
1. She looks down when you see her and smiles – a very good sign. She’s shy but wants you to come over to talk to her.
2. She’s twirling her hair around – definitely into you.
3. Licks her lips – unless you can tell she’s screwing with you, this is a very good sign!
4. Open legs – open legs, open mind. She’s open to hearing more from you and who knows what else.
5. Sideways glance – the classic Hollywood flirtation, this is a coy, seductive way of showing her interest
6. Fondling a cylindrical object (cigarette, glass, etc.) – VERY good sign! And a hint of what she may have in mind for later on in the evening…
7. Fondling her shoe (shoe is slight off her foot, twisting her foot in circles) – this is that classic shy signal that girls use to display interest.
8. The “leg twine” – one leg pressed hard against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone–very good sign
9. The head toss – if she tosses her hair back over her shoulders, this is definitely a good gesture.
10. Exposed wrists – if she’s interested in you, she will gradually display the smooth, soft skin of her wrists to a guy she’s interested in. Wrists are actually considered one of the more erotic areas of the body–so if she’s showing you this sexual area–go for it!
Hopefully you can put some of these lessons to use right away.
You have to remember that whatever you say, however you gesture your hands, arms, head, and eyes, women are NOT taking your movements at face value. If she jokes with you and you lightly push her away as if to say “Stop”, she’s taking that simple gesture as something more: interest, dis-interest, enjoyment, annoyance – any of a million different signals. She’s reading it for further suggestions as to what kind of guy you are, and what your interest in her is. Know that with body language, girls are always reading the way you move and act!
Here are my “Lucky Seven” best ways to show interest:
1. The confident eye gaze
2. The “Dale Head Drop”
3. Smile!
4. Open body language
5. Lean in to her
6. Thumbs in belt
7. Touch her
Let’s look at each in more detail.
The confident eye gaze
This is how you start your interest. Nothing shows confidence off the bat like meeting a girl’s eyes, and KEEPING YOUR STARE. If you see her look down and smile, you know you’ve made it and the time to approach is now. If she looks away from you but doesn’t smile, give her a shot nonetheless; just the fact that she met your eyes for a second or two shows interest.
The Dale Head Drop
So named after the guy who mastered the art of getting women rushing to his side, just with a simple shrug! If you really want to blow away a girl – and show some balls – meet a girl’s eyes, then knowingly drop your head to the side, as if to say, “Hey, you know you want me. Come over here and get me!” I’ve found this to work incredibly well in foreign countries. In the States, the girls tend to be able to see through it a bit more – but it still works!
Smile!
It’s often overlooked, but nothing communicates happiness, confidence, and interest in a girl all in one like a nice big smile. Show the girl you’re in control, show her you’re confident, show her you’re a fun guy to be around: brighten the place up with a big smile! And if your teeth need work, then get them fixed! It’s good not just for your chances of meeting a girl, but also for your health and appearance!
Open Body Language
So many guys walk or sit with their arms crossed, their legs close together, and their faces anxious and flat. Stop that! Welcome a girl into your world: have your arms open and leaned back, your legs open and relaxed, your face warm and inviting. You’ll not only attract yourself into a girl’s world, but also into the world of people at a party, club, or bar who can help you meet a future girlfriend – or even wife!
Lean in to her
As you’re talking to a girl, especially while seated, show her your interest with confidence by leaning in closer. You don’t want to be a creep, of course, but you can generally tell by a girl’s body language and talk how interested she is in you. If things are looking good, show her your control of the situation–and interest in her–by leaning in and generally getting closer to her. Leaning back does the opposite; it shows you’re unconfident and not overly interested. Not what you want to communicate.
Thumbs in belt
Ever put your thumbs in your belt, with your hands at your hips’ side? This is processed as a sign of being confident in one’s sexuality and size. So if you’re standing around at a bar or club and want to convey confidence, this will certainly be understood by girls!
Touch her!
Yup, nothing gets you closer to a girl than physical touch. Great conversations and emotional/spiritual chemistry are great, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you’ll have to eventually show some balls and touch her. I’m not talking about grabbing her and making out (unless it really is going that well and she’s flirting out of control!), but doing little things: brushing your arm by her shoulders, lightly massaging her, leading her by the arm to another location in the place. By making a physical connection, you’re giving her a sign loud and clear that you’re confident in yourself and interested in her.
By James Brito
Author, “How to Be Irresistible to Women”
